i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Randomize
