I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
