k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
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