He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Randomize
