chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Randomize
