I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
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