walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
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