Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
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