I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
