i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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