cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Randomize
