dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
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