Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize