I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
