My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
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