it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Randomize
