I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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