dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize