im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Randomize
