There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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