I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
