I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I need a burrito and a hug.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Randomize
