Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
