hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
