There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
