I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
