5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize