Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
