made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
