I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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