Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
