I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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