Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
