that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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