like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
