yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Randomize
