Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
