nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize