Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
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