is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Randomize
