If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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