these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
