Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
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