this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
Ketchup is God's man juice
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
