I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
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