i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Randomize
