I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
