so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
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