about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
