those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
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