so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
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