Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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