when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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