3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
