1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
I think I died a long time ago.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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