Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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