hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
She bit a glass in half.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
