By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Randomize
