No awkward lesbian experiences without me
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
