Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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