Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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