I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
