I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Randomize
