I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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