Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Randomize
