They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Randomize
