Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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