i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize
