just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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